A Simple Way To Adopt The Skill Of Not Giving A F*ck

Without looking like a complete asshole.

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When most of us think about ‘not giving a f*ck,’ we oftentimes transcribe the thought into adopting an ‘asshole mentality.’ We see not giving a f*ck as not caring and this oftentimes translates into selfishness, but there is quite a bit missing from this philosophy.

You see, when we begin to look at our ‘f*cks’ as forms of either time, money or energy, it becomes clearer how giving less in one part of our life can allow room for more in the other areas.

Take your job for instance; There are a series of unavoidable tasks that consume one of your three ‘fu*cks’ (time, energy, money), but there is an entire sloo of other components of the work that doesn’t necessarily require any of the three. An example might be obligatory work meetings — okay, so you can’t necessarily stop caring about these and still have a job. You can; however, choose to RSVP “Thank you for the invite, but I won’t be able to make it” to the going away party of a co-worker you cannot stand in order to savor those last few hours of that Sunday evening before getting up to start the work week all over again Monday morning.

Many of us have forgotten that the word “No” is a complete sentence.

The same can be said about other aspects of your life. It could be something as small as lunch with a friend or something as huge as staying in a relationship that keeps you miserable all to avoid hurting the other person. When you acknowledge your ‘f*cks’ as either time, money, or energy, you soon realize that the only way to get more for other places is to reduce the deposits into the less desirable areas.

It seems simple and truthfully speaking, it is. We, as humans, all have the opportunity to lead a happy life and in fact, everything that we need in order to do so, we already have, but we have to clear out the other things in order to make room for it. In other words, you have to first decide what brings you joy and begin allocating your f*cks to that instead.

You can begin doing this by making a list of all of the things in your life that are contributing to the existing clutter. Some of the items on the list might include work parties, lunch with friends, a certain show on TV that you suffer through to make your roommate happy, or one of the previously mentioned tasks. As you write, the list will continue to grow until you begin to identify what it is you are willing to give your f*cks to and what you will remove from the list in order to do so.

I did this practice roughly 6 months ago and here is a portion of my list:

  • Trashy radio shows
  • Work
  • Exercise
  • Social Media
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Writing

As you can imagine, the two items I crossed off without hesitation were ‘social media’ and ‘trashy radio shows.’ I removed myself from social media and committed to only using the platforms as ways to promote my writing (if they were to be used at all). The radio shows I realized were a way to fill the silence and I quickly adopted a new ‘white noise’ that allowed me to work on the things that I did want to keep in my life, like writing and exercise, at the same time.

Once I began a mental declutter, I realized how many more f*cks I now had in my bank to give and I was then able to re-allocate each one to the areas that I knew would bring me joy.

We have this insane habit of psyching ourselves out of providing perfectly fine responses as to why we cannot do something (even if it’s because we don’t want to), that we instead RSVP without thought and then scramble to find a way out, which then makes us look like actual assholes.

I have shared before the transformation that took place in my life following getting fired from my previous role and the positive impact it had on my life. It wasn’t until I was involuntarily unemployed that I realized just how many f*cks I had been dedicating to the wrong places and the weight it was putting on my mental state.

We cannot introduce positive habits to our lives if we have not made room for them first. It is a fact that we only have a certain number of hours in a day, money in the bank, and energy in our bodies so it would make sense to say that the more of those things we give, the less we have remaining for ourselves. Adopt the “not sorry” method and take back control of your f*cks. After all, you only have so many; therefore, you deserve to place these into only the things that give you joy and fuel the progression of your journey.

Written by

Writer. Poet. Philomath. Dog Mom. Traveler. Creator. Wanderer. Teacher. Empath. Author of “Unapologetically Human” - available on Amazon

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