Everyone Wants A Strong Woman Until One Comes Along

Here’s what they really mean.

Photo by Sandra Seitamaa of Unsplash

Most people will admit that they find strength attractive — the strength to take risks and the strength to face fears, but what happens when that strength is put into the things that challenge the other person?

When people describe the kind of ‘strong woman’ they want, rarely do they include, ‘the strength to stand up for herself’ and ‘the strength to walk away,’ because that’s not the kind of strength a person feels they are signing up for when entering into a relationship with someone that embodies traits at that caliber.

What most people who wish for a strong woman really mean is this:

I want a strong woman, because she can support herself financially so I don’t always have to.

I want a strong woman, because she can make herself happy so I don’t have to carry that weight.

I want a strong woman, because strong women have better things to do than entertain petty drama.

I want a strong woman, because she can’t be both strong and a stage 5 clinger.

I want a strong woman just as long as she isn’t not too strong.

People wish for things under the contingencies that it benefits their life, not challenges it. Those who wish for a strong woman will tell you they appreciate the things about you that only a person with that strength can identify with — your independence, your drive, your priorities. All of these things will be seen as attractive until they argue the other person’s way of life.

I am one of those ‘too strong’ of women.

The kind that will take herself out to dinner and a movie, the kind that insists on going dutch, the kind of strong woman who refuses the opinions of others that don’t align with my own opinions of self. My strength has been seen as attractive until it begins to conflict with the other person’s idea of the relationship.

The goals a strong woman has will be seen as attractive as long as they don’t surpass that of the other person. The positive financial status of a woman will be seen as attractive only until it gives her the freedom to do for herself. The intelligence of a woman will be seen as an attractive form of strength as long as it doesn’t create higher-level conversations that the other person has trouble keeping up with. The determination to set and achieve goals will be seen as a quality only a strong woman can have until her drive becomes greater than her partner’s.

Ultimately the behaviors that come from only a strong woman will be seen as desirable if they fit the mold given. Only those who have the right intentions and hands large enough to carry the crown of a strong woman will stick around as more areas of strength begin to surface.

In a previous relationship of mine, I had my partner tell me he was less attracted to my independence when it meant I had no issue leaving him. I never saw this as a problem and quite frankly, neither should you. He was okay with me being independent if it meant not throwing a fit over him having guy’s night instead of date night. He accepted my strength until I had the means to leave him when he disrespected me the next time. He appreciated my intelligence until he grew tired of ‘thinking’ and preferred I play video games with him than continue my studies and obtain the degree he chose not to pursue.

All of the things that make a strong woman strong are with limits in the other person’s mind. If a man enters a relationship with a woman and has the breadwinner income, the higher level education, and the physical ability to do difficult work around the house, then if either of those become feasible for the woman, things tend to make a drastic shift (this is also when a strong woman will realize he isn’t the one for her).

Take for example a woman who is still in college and meets a man who is an alum, advanced in his career, and on his way to the next phase of life. Now fast forward to the woman’s graduation, acceptance of a career, and the newfound ability to begin saving for things she’s always dreamed of (kids, a house, a new car, etc). Imagine how the man might feel as he sees her go to grab her wallet the next time the check comes or surprises him with an elaborate gift for their next anniversary. Many men will feel emasculated by these events.

However, these are the traits of a strong woman, so rather than her making the decision that she needs to weaken her individuality in order to keep the peace, she is likely to realize she just needs a stronger man.

Written by

Writer. Poet. Philomath. Dog Mom. Traveler. Creator. Wanderer. Teacher. Empath. Author of “Unapologetically Human” - available on Amazon

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