It’s Not Your Job To Make Others Happy

Ever heard the saying ‘energy is contagious?’

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If you’re anything like me, you go through life in the hopes of making a positive change in some aspect. It doesn’t have to be a fundamental shift among society, but an impact that creates a ripple effect that reaches further than your own arms’ reach.

Taking a page from Maya Angelou’s book:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The majority of us may assume that this means doing something or saying something that is influential to most, but this is untrue. We know better than to walk through life with the blind notion that most of what matters boils down to the things we say and do with the intent of impact. Most of what I feel has created change in my life has occurred in moments where I was more focused on creating a change within myself, rather than in the world around me.

As selfish as this may sound, it appears to be the only way in today’s world to truly make a difference, but why is that? If I were to put together a life plan that consists of only the things I suspect will create change, then I have already put a choke-hold on its potential. If all of what we do is for the betterment, growth, progression, and lasting fulfillment within ourselves, then every ounce of impact that follows becomes involuntary.

Once I realized this, I began to spend less time worrying about what others may want me to do and more of what I need to do for myself. What I have learned throughout this process is that the things we want for ourselves, we must work on with our selves first. If your goal is to increase positivity out in the world, then an appropriate place to start would be inside your own mind — replacing the harmful words spoken with kind instead.

Many of us will blame every factor other than ourselves when things go awry, but the truth is that much of what we experience in our lives is a direct result of our response to it and not so much the events themselves.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. ~Charles R. Swindoll

Think about the last major turn your life took in a direction other than what you had planned.

How did you react to it?

How many other people or things did you blame before turning inward towards yourself?

How quickly could you have turned things around had you of began with an introspective approach?

A while back I wrote about the ways we can learn from ourselves and that most of the answers we search for in life, we already have within ourselves. (You can read more about this here).

At one point in time, someone suggested we begin to look outward for answers about ourselves, but this seems a little counterproductive.

Think about it: if every one is looking to each other for answers about themselves, then we will eventually live in a world of duplicates.

Negativity comes from a place of dissatisfaction and self-hatred translates into projection. Do not let this manipulate your mindset.

The same can be said in any relationship — romantic, platonic, or professional. If your focus is on your happiness, yet you do not make yourself the source of positive emotion, then you are placing your potential on a spectrum created by someone else’s decision. If you are looking to your partner for fulfillment, yet they are unsure of what that truly means due to their focus on you for the same purpose, it is likely neither of you will achieve total satisfaction.

If you are in constant limbo between interests and jobs, yet never allow yourself the time to do the soul-searching necessary to determine what type of profession will, then it is safe to say you are likely a ways away from complete happiness.

Let’s take a person who is self-employed and in what they would consider a successful relationship. Every time that person goes out in public where they are surrounded by strangers, met with first impressions, and potentially carrying around the residual feelings of the previous day, they are still at a point of impact every time they hold conversation. In other words, the way that person feels about their own existence and place in life, will surface an energy that is contagious towards others. We have all been in a room with that one person who wakes up in search of problems and when none are identified, feel the need to create these for themselves or others around them. If you can’t think of someone in your life like this, then it might be you.

The most important thing to remember is this: when you are your best self, the world is given the opportunity to do the same. When you act as the kind of person you wish to meet when you go out, you begin to attract those kinds of people. The same can be said about the people you surround yourself with the rest of the time:

Are they a reflection of the person you’d like to be?

Are their feet planted in the same direction as yours?

Did you identify those positions for yourself before answering the question about others?

I would like to leave you all with this takeaway and perhaps it translates into a call to action — spend a few moments today writing down the things you look for in others, the environment you need in order to thrive, and the things that are getting in the way of either one. The next step is to phase out of anything and everything that doesn’t align with these goals and to then identify what it is you can do to create a change in yourself first. Once an internal change is made, you have done all you can to create positive impact from the moment you wake each morning.

Written by

Writer. Poet. Philomath. Dog Mom. Traveler. Creator. Wanderer. Teacher. Empath. Author of “Unapologetically Human” - available on Amazon

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