My Leap Of Faith Is Near

I woke up this morning in the same funk I have been in for weeks — no scratch that — for months. It wasn’t a place of foreign surroundings and in fact, seemed all too familiar. For anyone who has struggled with depression or any other form of mental illness, you know that for the majority of our young adult lives, it will be the most committed partner if one allows it to be. Of course, this is all out of speculation and taking into consideration that my manic depression has been my longest relationship to date.

It isn’t until you uncover your “flow state” hobby, that you are introduced to a world in which the toxicity of self criticism can no longer reach you. Writing has been my escape, but as time goes on, I find myself reaching for excuse after excuse as to why I can’t — why I don’t have the time, the focus, the energy and I have realized that in denying my mind its main source of freedom, I have bound myself to my own misery.

So where do I go from here?

If I told you I had a list of every thing I told myself I wanted to accomplish, dreams to pursue, and goals to achieve, but not a single one was checked off at this point in time, you would likely ask me “why” and my response to you would be fear. The fear of failure, of unpaid bills, of rejection, of disappointment…fear of the unknown.